Perhaps I’m naive, and expect slightly more from the youth of today. I can forgive them their gum chewing, cider swilling antics and even shrug nonchalantly as they fill our parks with spittle and cigarette butts, but I’ve just discovered a board game that makes me deplore their long term life choices (and yes, I’m fully aware of how condescending this sounds, having once been a gum-chewing teen myself).
When I was younger it was considered rather scandalous to play Dream Phone – an interactive board game about discovering your secret admirer, with sweet Americanized nothings whispered down a touch-tone pink phone. How we’d giggle as we passed the phone around, feeling slightly outrageous and grown up, never thinking that the next-gen of board games would take things to a whole new level.
Last year’s best-selling perfume wasn’t one of the many high end scents that pushed the boundaries with new ingredients and interesting topnotes, instead it was Stunning, by Katie Price. The bottles design looks like it had been stolen from a kids Barbie’s Dream house, and the smell was pure saccharine, think strawberries and sugar-coated candy with a high level of E-numbers. Considering this, the creation of the ‘Page 3 Idol’ game shouldn’t shock me, but it still does.
Travel round the candy coloured board and neon slogans invite you to learn the ‘tricks of the trade’, as any aspiring model should learn some basics before they get their kit off. They range from striking fashion poses to hair and makeup tricks, and include a dare section, for those who fall foul of the dice. Having not played this I can only guess at how lewd some of these tasks may be, but seeing as the aim is to raise money to build your portfolio I imagine they’re quite risqué. After all this is Page 3 Idol, and just where do you think the gold stars you earn are meant to be worn? (I’m thinking nipple pasties).
Perhaps one of the more entertaining segments of this game would be the Circle of Shame corner where you (might) describe all those D Listers you’ve done dubious things with to earn stars/money or the Dilemma segments where you’d discuss your feelings about your Glamour Girl career.
But what’s so intriguing about this game is that the winner gets far more than a sash- as everyone who purchases the fame gets a chance to win a REAL LIFE Page 3 spread with the Sun. Like OMG! Dream come true right?
OK, they do specify that to win that coveted prize you must be 18 or over, but one wonders who the real audience for this game is- and I doubt very much it’s the ‘girls on a fun night out’ that they suggest. Try tweens and I reckon you’d be dead on the money. Curios about life? Confused about sexuality? Awkward about your body? Here’s a game that shows you just how to exploit it!
But perhaps my disgust is uncalled for and I’m just out of touch with today’s teenagers- after all, I can see Simon Cowell putting in a bid for the TV rights…
£12.99 from Play and other retailers.